So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
