I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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