I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
