You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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