i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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