She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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