ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
