I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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