Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
