I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
