I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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