i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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