its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
