My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
