I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
