i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
