Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
