you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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