if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
