Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
