anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
