Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
