It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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