you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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