My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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