I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize