Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
