addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
