ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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