I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize