Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
NoShamevember. You game?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
