i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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