Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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