Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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