i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
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In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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