false alarm. still invincible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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