Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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