I got chris browned last night
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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