just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
