I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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