Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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