I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
