I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
