Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
