I think my fart just growled at me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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