barbara walters just said penis...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
