he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
