I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
