White coat. Heels.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
