Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
