sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will be naked everywhere
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
