wrigley field is MILF paradise
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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