I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
