Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He did a backflip because drugs
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
