What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
