I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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