we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Randomize
