I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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