i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
