yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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