I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
