There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We were destined to go to rehab together
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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