do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
