hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
