I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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