Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
