y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
