i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
