just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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