i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
