she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
