im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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