i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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