swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
