I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is wine microwaveable?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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