I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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