nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
pray to the hookup gods
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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