you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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