Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
