"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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