just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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