Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
