now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
