tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
