The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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