wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
