the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
