Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
