yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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