Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
