i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
