How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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