Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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