I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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