it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
