Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
honey bunches of taint.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
