yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
