If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
