I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
