CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
